FIGHT!
BRAD BURNS
Lost on a hunting trip when just a babe (it wasn't anything dramatic, his father left him asleep on the ground and forgot about him. He was halfway home before he noticed and, not wanting to pay through the toll bridge again (he had a grudge against the county) decided it was better to just pretend the kid had been kidnapped by "mexican bandits by the looks of them") Brad was found and raised by a grizzly old woodsman known only as Ol' Grizzly, The Man of The Woods. Ol' Grizz thought the lad the ways of the forest, and his mute Thai manservant taught him the deadly martial arts of his homeland. As he wandered through the woods, pausing only to kick the ribcage out of the occassional wolves chest, Brad would look at the stars and dream, wondering what the future would bring.
Now, as he prepares to fight in the ultimate combat tournament, Brad Burns is a much changed man. His tailored suits, slick hairstyle, chisseled physique and fancy ways speak of a sophisticated gentleman brutalist. But inside he is still that lost infant, crying in the rain. Do it Brad, do it for Ol' Grizz plus that other guy!
Them's fighting words:
Nothing is faster then my fists, not even the swiftest snake! (punches air several times) Well, I guess maybe a really fast snake.
Yeah, fighting, Yeah! (jumps up and down, kicking and punching, accidently kills some guy) I looooove to fight baby!
WOLF HAWKFIELD
Wolf, Wolf Hawkfield. In the tradition of such luminaries as Chaingun McSawblade, Rocky Von Doom-Cock, Captain Crackfist Smackface and Little Jimmy 'The Scourge of the Unrighteous whom He will Destroy with Excessive Violence' Smith, Wolf has a name that's not so much a name, as a descriptor, or a promise. Yes, this lone hunter hunts in a pack of one, has fantastic vision and lives only on what he can kill with his bare hands, swooping out of the sky to land on his prey and devour them whole. He also enjoys walking in fields and meadows.
This all makes it even more puzzling why his gimmick during his short lived stint in the WWE was as 'The Enviro-mentalist'. Vince McMahon was in need of a new heel but this just didn't suit Wolf, well known for his hatred of animals. The events of the infamous storyline which climaxed with Wolf fighting Triple H in a match to save a variety of endangered animals, suspended above the ring, don't need repeating here. Suffice to say it was enough to finally piss of the World Wildlife Fund so much that they took legal action and made the then WWF change it's name. It also finished Wolf as a professional wrestler and he returned to the Alaskan wastelands in disgrace, a broken bitter man.
Now the new Ultimate Virtual Fighting tournament has started. Perhaps if he brutalizes enough opponents, some of whom are probably evil, he will have a chance for redemption.
In-ring taunts:
May the space warriors who call me their kin grant me victory in this match (beats chest) the blood of the warrior flows through my heart and cries out for battle!
(lick fingers and holds it aloft in the air) an ill wind blows for my opponent, all who dare face me shall die and their dreams will be forgotten. For I am the holder of the sacred truths of combat!
AOI UMENOKOUJI
Strong defensively but occasionally limited when attacking, Aoi is a solid choice and in the hands of an experienced player she can beat anyone. 8/10
Stuff she says:
I sure hope I wine this match (does single kick while staring emotionlessly forward) that would allow me to continue on to the next opponent.
A good battle, I'm glad I won. (wipes microscopic piece of dust from lapel) the best part was the good sportsmanship on display from all involved. Three cheers for civility.
BATTLE TACTICS
So now we've met our fighter, but how will we lead them to victory? True mastery of Virtua Fighter involves knowing the ins and outs of ever fighter's moves, stances and etc and if you expect me to know this shit you're dead wrong buddy.
You here me? Dead wrong, you piece of shit, you cock swallowing fuckrat, you putrid speck of diseased gorilla ejaculate, get out of my face! You sicken me.
Anyway, most of the guides online give you the same information, it's all PPKK>PK
Punches: usually faster then kicks, use them when you want to hit your opponent
Kicks: Usually slower then punches, but they'll pack more of a punch... wait. Eh, use them at your discretion.
Throws: These are good for when your opponent is blocking. Usually I can only manage to do the same one or two but other people can do a wide variety! Ask them how.
Blocking: Block your opponents attacks with a well timed block. Simply press the block button and your opponent will be shocked to find his attacks are somehow being blocked!
Running: Occasionaly, maybe towards the end of the fight, you'll want to run at your opponent by double tapping forward, then press the kick button. If it works out you should kick your opponent in the head, it makes you feel like a badass!
Other moves: ?
Well I hope you enjoyed this guide. Perhaps one day we will meet on the Virtual Fighting ground of Xbox live. Till next time readers
FIGHT!
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