What your Favourite Sandwich says about You

Ever since the noble Lord Sandwich declined to take a break from his game of Baccarat and instead insisted that his manservant bring him meat and bread, then placed the meat within the bread, then ordered his manservant be flogged for having a presumptious air about him, then made a ribald comment about the scullery maid, then requested a drink, then realised that the servant who usually made him his drinks was being flogged, then went to get the drink himself, then got confused as to the correct way to make the drink and had to consult the Viscount Sex on The Beach (who was also present), then had to grudgingly admit that that was a pretty good cocktail, then spent several minutes ruminating upon what it would be like to sleep with the Viscounts wife and exactly how the circumstances which would enable this to take place could be brought about, then had to adjust his pants as his erection was getting rather uncomfortable, then realised that the scullery maid was looking at him and that he was doing something rather improper for a man of his influence and prestige, then ran after her, while still adjusting his pants, shouting "wait wait, I can explain!", then, in his haste and off balance, tripped over a fold in the carpet, then, while tumbling headfirst down the stairway, made a mental note to have the manservant flogged for the shoddy condition of the carpet and was pleased with himself when he remembered he'd already done so, then landed in a crumpled heap at the foot of the stairs and hastily exclaimed "bugger and blast it all", then realised his wife and eight year old daughter were only just returned from Brighton Beach and had witnessed the whole affair, then told from the look in his wife's eyes that he would unfortunately not be getting flogged that night, then returned to the Baccarat table in a sulk, then remembered how hungry he was, then ate the bread with the meat in it and thus invented the food which would henceforth carry his name, man has always loved sandwiches.

But what can our choice of sandwich tell us about ourselves? Join me on this journey of sandwich analysis and find out!

Ham and Cheese: Boring and conventional, or at least that's what you want people to think, when at home you no doubt enjoy wearing ladies underwear, or, if you're already a lady, you enjoy dressing like a lumberjack or 1920's tycoon.

Ham, Cheese and Coleslaw: A twist on a classic, with Venus in the ascendecy this sandwich choice bodes well for a new love affair and perhaps a promotion at work. But be sure not to wear a raincoat on Tuesday!

Tuna, Coleslaw and Sweetcorn: Seriously, this is your favourite? Wait, without buttert or mayonaisse because the coleslaw provides enough mayonaisse already right? No way, me to! Man, we're sandwich buddies!

Salami, Ham, Beef, Steaks instead of bread: Hello!? Overcompensate much? Don't worry buddy, we won't think less of you if you put some vegetables in there. Discount the preceding if you are in fact a lion in a zoo or other caged animal, this is probably just your feeder trying to get a little creative at lunchtime, and who can blame him?


Vegetarian: Hey you know who else was a vegetartian? Hitler, that's who. I'm just saying is all. Saying you're Hitler (or worse then) that is.

Well I hope you enjoyed this look into the world of sandwich's and what they tell us about ourselves. I'm pretty sure the opening sentence was longer then the actual article, what up with that Homes? If you didn't enjoy the article... look, I, I'm sorry alright, Jesus, I'm trying my best here, just get off my back Jerklumps!



Like the pictures? Ok so they're just pictures of sandwichs but both these guys have cool stuff on theire flickr pages (including a rastafarian kitten, seriously, if you get nothing else from this article at least check out the kitty!):

http://flickr.com/photos/moriza/

http://flickr.com/photos/kitsa_sakurako/